Cherishing: A Winning Strategy for Thriving Relationships
What does it really mean to cherish your partner?
We use the word all the time—to cherish a memory, a gift, a moment. But when it comes to relationships, cherishing isn't just a warm, fuzzy feeling. From a Relational Life Therapy (RLT) perspective, cherishing is a conscious practice—an intentional way of showing up in your relationship that can create a deeper sense of connection, safety, and mutual respect.
So, what is cherishing?
At its core, cherishing is about holding your partner in warm regard—not just when they’re doing things “right,” but as a general way of being in relationship with them. It’s seeing the good in them, even when you're annoyed. It’s choosing to value their essence, even when you're in the thick of everyday stress.
Terry Real, the founder of RLT, calls cherishing a “winning strategy”—a relational move that helps couples shift from power struggles to true partnership. It’s not about ignoring problems or sugarcoating the hard stuff. In fact, cherishing works alongside accountability and healthy boundaries. It softens the edges, reconnects you to why you’re in this together, and makes repair more possible when things go off track.
Why does cherishing matter?
Modern relationships can get stuck in cycles of criticism, scorekeeping, or emotional distance. We often focus so much on what's not working that we forget to nurture what is.
Cherishing disrupts that pattern.
It says: You matter to me. I see your efforts. I’m grateful for who you are.
When partners feel cherished, they’re more likely to open up, stay emotionally engaged, and respond with care. It creates an upward spiral—where appreciation leads to more warmth, which leads to more emotional safety, which makes space for deeper intimacy.
Cherishing in action looks like:
Appreciating out loud — “Thank you for picking up dinner. I love how thoughtful you are.”
Seeing your partner’s pain as valid, even if you don't fully agree.
Speaking gently, especially when you’re bringing up something hard.
Protecting the “we”— making decisions with your relationship in mind, not just your individual needs.
Celebrating their wins (big or small) like they’re your own.
It's not all sunshine and roses—and that’s okay.
Cherishing isn’t about being endlessly positive or pretending conflict doesn’t exist. In RLT, it lives alongside truth-telling and owning your part. You can cherish your partner and ask for change. You can be angry and still speak with love.
In fact, this balance is what makes cherishing powerful. It helps couples stay connected even when they're navigating hard conversations or growing through challenges.
Cherishing is a practice.
It’s not about getting it perfect—it’s about showing up with intention, day by day. In the hustle of life, it’s easy to take each other for granted. But when you slow down and choose to cherish your partner, you plant seeds of trust, closeness, and lasting connection.
And honestly? That’s what most of us are really longing for.