From Roommates to Ritual: What I Wish I Had in My First Marriage
Yep, the relationship therapist is divorced.
It surprises some people when I share that, but to be honest, I think it’s part of what makes me better at what I do. Because I’ve been on the inside of a relationship that slowly disconnected. I’ve sat with that quiet ache of feeling like you’re sharing space with someone, but not really sharing life anymore. I’ve lived the “roommate phase” that so many couples talk about — and I know how disorienting and lonely it can feel.
Before I became repartnered, I did a deep dive on my first marriage. One of the unexpected gifts of being in this field is the ability to really examine our patterns. Not in a self-blaming way, but with curiosity and care. To ask: What was happening underneath the surface? What did I miss? What do I want to do differently moving forward?
Looking back, I can see how easy it was for us to get swept up in the day-to-day — work, parenting, errands, responsibilities, and distractions. We weren’t fighting. We weren’t breaking. We were just... slowly disconnecting. It was like we were managing life side by side but stopped truly seeing each other.
And here’s the thing I wish I’d had back then: a tool. A ritual. Something simple that helped us pause, check in, and reconnect — not just when things were on fire, but before the disconnection got too deep.
That’s why I created The Weekly Relationship Check-In Guide.
This guide is the tool I wish I’d had. It’s also something I now use with my clients — couples who are craving more connection but don’t know where to start. It’s not therapy, and it doesn’t require hours of emotional labour. It’s a short, structured weekly ritual that helps you come back to each other. A few intentional questions. A little space to talk. A way to feel more like partners again, not just co-managers of the household.
If you’ve ever felt that drift — the slow slide into silence or surface-level interactions — I see you. You’re not alone. Your relationship isn’t broken, but maybe it’s just a little stuck.
And if you’re ready to try something new, I’d love to share this guide with you. It’s completely free, and it might just become the ritual you didn’t know you needed. Click here to access the free guide.